Are You Happy?

Ok the title of this post is the same as the thread title in which i'm about to quote a post from. I don't really expect anyone to read it, but i will post it anyhow...............

Okay. I'ma vent for a second. Ya'll don't have to read it. But I'm chested and need to clear it.

No, I'm not happy. And believe me, I'm the furthest from materialistic as I can see some people on this board are.

6 Months ago I lost my job to a customer accusing me of false shit, ever since then I've applied to over 75 jobs and have been denied to all of them except one about a month ago. It was a telemarketing job and needless to say, it sucked, but I was making money for about 3 days, until two people on the same day told me that my mother should have gotten an abortion. Normally shit like that doesn't bother me but it really played on my psyche and sent me into a small depression. I quit that same day. And am still jobless.

On top of that, My girlfriend gives me trouble. Sure, she is there for me, and especially now she's been through the 6-7 months of no job pretty well, she's been by my side. But we've had lots of issues in the past that is making is hard for me to completely trust her again. So as we're working on that, she's dealing with issues of her own.

I'm sorry but I'm not the type of guy like Enigman or Punch or whatever (Punch knows exactly of the situation, almost led to suicide on my birthday in August.) I can't just let this one go, for more than one reason. 1) I'm truly in love with her. We've been together a year and a half and I've never been happier with HER by my side. and 2) She's dealing with so much stuff at her house it's absolutely ridiculous. She needs me. and I can't let someone like that just float away. I know things will payoff.

Furthermore, College fucked me over. I had to drop 6 of my 8 classes last year and this year I can't afford to go. I'm quite pissed over that because I wanna move out of this apartment and get my own place with my friend and my girl. But in order to do that I need a job.

Sure, I am happy as well though. I have a roof over my head, and I have clothes on my back. Believe me when I tell you I used to live on the streets, and didn't have a house to call my own, and lived less than paycheck to paycheck and I had to eat bread and butter somenights and other nights my mother would starve just to feed us a can of soup. It was that bad.

And I know now I definitely have it better than others, lots of others, but for some reason, being the normal OPTIMIST I am (ask anyone) and being the Dr. Phil that I am with helping others, this is a weird time for me. I don't feel that way and I'm slightly pessimistic and depressed. Dunno why and I'm not asking for "woe is me" type shit because I know things will turn around. But this last half year has truly been trying on me and hopefully things will look up, but for now I need to trudge along through this and make shit happen.

One bright side: I AM going to make something of myself this year. I WILL turn New Life into something incredible. We WILL be on TV. Period.

When life gives you lemons, flip that shit, cut the peel off, bake em, take the zest and wrap it in a blunt with some weed and coke, and sell that shit. Fuck bitches. Make money.

Thanks for reading if you did.

And now for myself to answer the original question. Honestly I must say that I am rather happy. I seem to have everything going on for me, I just have to take my own chances and make my own shit happen. I might be disappointed with myself at times(who doesn't experience that?) but even that falls majorly short of unhappy.

I'll let someone else's post do the talking for me. We are obviously from very different backgrounds but I can relate to alot he says.


life's good, to me. i've still got the same best friends i've had since elementary, though some of the ones i've known since 1st grade backstabbed me. the ones that were always at my house or by my side as kids are the ones i'm with partying and chasin' skirts with to this very day.

i almost tried the girlfriend thing, only told Punch about it (i was too ashamed to really talk to anyone about that, i'm always anti-love/pro-playa among my friends), but personality clashes happened at a party, and we went our separate ways (at least unless we feel we need someone at night). ever since college, i've cruised through everything on charm and good looks. the people i've met, girls love the face, i've been gettin' crazy cash from scholarships and grants (to those in high school, EXCEL as best as you can... you WILL get rewarded).

i look at my past life... born in the projects. i was raised to do right and to think smart, and it was costly in the environment i was in; mainly because everyone in that environment didn't want to try to get out the honest way and would HATE anyone who was on that track. i was constantly chased and picked on just for being a polite, honest, smart little kid with a good sense of knowledge on him. my mom raised both my brother and i by herself WHILE in the projects WHILE also getting her education at the very university i'm attending today. because of her good will and her love for her children, both my brother and i have lived nicely ever since the 3rd grade. childhood wasn't all that bad, even when i was in the projects. i was always the athlete, whether it was football or basketball, i was good... so i earned a lot of respect among the sandlot players. and even though i was in the projects, that didn't stop me from following my mom's steps and excelling in my studies.

every day, i feel blessed. i mean, i look at myself and people say i carry this arrogant swag now (which i started when i entered college at 16), but it's confidence, it's self-assurance that i'll be okay. i'm so skilled in everything i like doing... whether it be writing (newspaper articles, creative stories, research papers, or magazine commentaries; i'm skilled at them all), rapping (i just recently revealed to those very friends i've had since elementary school that i rapped, they heard my shit [thanks to SaV], and they all consider me their favorites. they're even making it a project to raise money to help me get local play), athletics (i could either be a running back [in football] or a shooting guard [in basketball] if i wanted to be), or even just working a regular 9-to-5.

i'm happy with everything. my mom took me out of a hostile environment into a more relaxed place, i'm good whether i'm in the 'burbs or back in the projects where the rest of my family is, i'm smart and have had doors open for me, somehow... i'm charming as hell (they love the babyface), i'm witty; i'm just all-out blessed. i don't care what woes i come across, i know that at the end of the day... my mom started me off in this race far down the road, and i only have a little ways to go on my own to finish as the winner, i refuse to let some obstacles keep me from finishing this race.

i've had no girl problems simply because i refuse to accept them in my life. and from what i can gather, girl problems are the shit that usually breaks every single one of my boys (as you can see, my main bestest fucking bro ever was struggling at a point with girl problems). guys never end up being the same again because of "love". at this very moment, another one of my friends is caught up in situations because of love, one of my friends decided to drop work and join the military because some bitch he "loved" hurt him. i don't want that! i want love when i know i'm stable in life. when i'm done with school, when i'm done with owning my own place... i'll be ready for it. but for now, it's just me being free and enjoying the nectar that each of these blossoming flowers have to offer me.

i'm rarely sad or mad... you'll find me agitated at times. but i know life is good for me. and even if it wasn't, i know i have what it takes to dig myself out of these situations. when my back's against the walls, i'm quite persistent to reach success.

i'm especially content with the fact that every single person that hears me rap loves me, period. i actually started freestyling (and by freestyling, i mean spitting old ass verses that y'all probably heard over the years, lol) at parties, and i've come in contact with more local rappers who want to get shine. i've come across girls who happen to just dig rappers (especially those with a "unique and smooth flow" and an "attractive voice" [GOD i love being me]).

okay, before this post sounds like even more of some self-indulgent shit, let me close this by saying i'm always happy. i'm always pleased with where i'm at. and when i face adversity, i know i'll still look on the bright side of things. i'm destined for great things, i can just feel it... i'm told it every time i talk to someone new and we tell our stories. i just don't want any troubles that could easily be fixed (even if it may be painful) to hinder me from reaching my goals. right now, i'm looking out for myself... because i know that i should be the most important person to me, because only i live my life, so i'm making sure to do everything in the best of that person's interest.

I'll let people who don't know me well choose to interpret what applies to me and what doesn't.